distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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