You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
