I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
