Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
