to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
