i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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