We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
