Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
youre lurking in front of me
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
