She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
