How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
