The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
