Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
