You're my little dorito
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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