just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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