you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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