goodnight i made you a song goodbye
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
send nudes
from the living room?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
