is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
