Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
