two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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