:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
