Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
