D3 body, D1 cock
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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