Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
