I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
