wanna go halves on a baby?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
