We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
