then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
