i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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