Where did you get a picture of my penis
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
