Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
