after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
