if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
