i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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