were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
