I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
