you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
