Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
