I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
