Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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