We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
