Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
