bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Of course I have a pirate flag
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
