can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
