dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The feeling are messing with the penis
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
