I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
