last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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