Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
