The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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