I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
