I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think a kid would responsible me up
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
