I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
